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Perpetual Drunk Face

July 20, 2011

I realize that in life we all have our battles we have to conquer, or sit back and let them conquer us. For everyone it’s different, and we can never pretend to know what anyone else is going through, even if we feel we have the same problems in our lives. It’s never the “same,” because the way we choose to react to it and the way our emotions take over affect all parts of whatever it is we have to deal with differentiates us all. For some people it’s depression. Loss. Oppression. Paranoia. Cancer.

For me, it’s perpetual drunk face.

Out of boredom, I decided to surf through my own Facebook [i.e. torture myself] to see what kind of image I put forth to anyone who can access my page. And holy fuck people must think I’m a dirty, dirty lush. I literally can not look sober in any picture taken of me. Ever. If there were a camera in this computer [I say this like it’s abnormal, like cameras in computers don’t exist. like if there was one in here it would mean that this computer is really a mythical beast machine from the future] and it were to snap my picture right now, while I’m at work, I’d most likely look like I’ve had one SoCo shot too many. I can’t help it. I blame my eyes. One of them is slightly lazy, but only when I smile. And I automatically squint whenever the flash goes off. So the placement and position of my eyes just makes me look drunk or high all the time.

And in actual “drunk” pictures I usually have my tongue out and my middle finger blazing high. Cuz that’s the classy thing to do. Unfortunately, I also like to do those poses when I’m being cheeky. So there’s really no telling when I’m actually sober, which I promise, is much more often than the social networking world will have you believe.

There’s only one thing that I can do to prove my sobriety: have people look at pictures of me as a child. No joke, I had drunk face back then, too. My Kindergarten photo of myself is me in my ruffled party dress, hair astray, eyes squinty, dopey smile and me leaning just a little to the left, as if I’m about to fall off the stool right after the photo was taken. And in my Kindergarten class photo, I’m straight up passed out in the chair. So, it proves that I’ve just always been the least photogenic person of all time – or I was a baby gangster, gettin’ crunk since age 4. Believe whichever you will.

 

So that’s my life. And that’s what  I have to deal with every day. It’s not easy, but it’s my cross to bear. And I just try to get by living my life, taking it day-to-day. Hopefully one day I’ll conquer this disease, but for now, I’m just doin’ me.

 

Ok, I can't leave this here without a little note. I'm about four years old in this picture, and I'm wearing my flower girl dress that I wore to my uncle's wedding. This was NOT the day of my uncle's wedding. This was anywhere from a month - a year after it, actually. I decided to put it on, sit in my dining room and have my grandma photograph me. This was how I posed. I'm sure in my head I looked like a baby model, but that was what it came out like. And It leaves me to assume that this both was, and presently is, what I look like all the time. But at least the party dress makes me look fancy!

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