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We’re all so toxic

May 5, 2011

and we’ve all made mistakes. We’ve paid for our sins & we’re still paying while all the others are getting by just fine. It’s just because we care too much. Over-thinking, over- drinking, over-caring. Fuck it, I’m over thinking & over drinking and especially over caring. But then again, I say that ll the time. My words come out like vomit. I only think as I’m speaking and as much as I try to mend the pain I end up digging the splinter in deeper and deeper. To myself, mostly. I’m afraid of picking at the flaws too much, but I suppose it’s better then glossing over them and letting the hurt hit my heart with an iron fist instead of just tearing it off my chest altogether.  As much as I don’t want to lose is as much as I can’t stand keeping the dead beats around. Like sickle cells infecting the flexibility of everyone’s morals and standards, complicating friendships and situations. Maybe our standards are too high. But maybe they’re all just infectious, hazardous leeches. Latching on for prosperity and posterity, sucking the life out of the hosts who have done everything to provide them with life. Maybe it’s best we keep ourselves living. We’ll get over it in the end. There’s been a reason I’ve burned every bridge I’ve crossed. It’s kept me standing. It’s kept me living. It’s kept me myself, not connected to anyone who only needs me for their own selfish needs. I don’t want to influence you. I don’t want to make my needs yours. I don’t want you to hurt. But we might be just one being, morphed together because we have the same world view. It’s good to know you’re not always alone. But in the end, will the same mistakes be made? Will we get caught in the same traps? Maybe. But it’s only because we care too much. It’s just a cycle. A toxic, fucked up cycle, but such is life.

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